OK so I am having a selfish moment!! I have so much to be thankful for and yet I find that as Thanksgiving gets closer I feel a little sad. I want my baby home!! I think that some days I do really well with this, but after 121 days, I am tired, I am emotional, and I am so sick of the hospital some days that I can not stand it!!! I want to hold Kathryn whenever I want to and I want to love on her and change her clothes and watch tv with her on my chest and wake up to her tiny voice and watch Madelyn be a big sister and watch Greg give this tiny wonderful little girl a bottle and hug her like there is nothing better in this world. And I want the four of us together in our home. Anybody who tells you in hindsight that this is easy, is lying through their teeth. I've never done anything harder in my life. I just want to be her mom with no one else around - no audiences, no doctors, no nurses, no other families, just us!! I am just so unbelievable tired and so ready to feel a little back to normal that somedays it all feels like a dream. Sorry for being sappy for a minute, but it is so hard to always pretend like this is easy when it is anything but!
OK, so in light of all these feelings, I want to say what I am thankful for because my selfish moment is now over. I am thankful for my wonderful supportive husband who keeps me strong, I am thankful for my precious daughter Madelyn who reminds me of true innocence, I am thankful for my angel Kathryn who reminds me of God's miracles in our lives, I am thankful for my mom who is also my best friend, I am thankful for my dad who has such a great heart, I am thankful for my stepfather Billy who loves me like I am his own and reminds me that Alabama fans are wonderful people too, I am thankful for my brother Beau who taught me that brothers are wonderful and who is an amazing new father , I am thankful for my sister in law Brittany who is a wonderful new mom, I am thankful for my new nephew Reed who will forever remind me of when Beau was little, I am thankful for my grandmother Nana who is 88 years old and completes our very rare 4 generations of women, I am thankful for my extended families who remind me that we all come in different packages and from different experiences but we are all children of God, I am thankful for my Sunday School class who help me stay strong in my faith, I am thankful for my church family and for their unconditional support in times of plenty and in times of need, I am thankful for our friends who remind us of all phases of our lives and all of the wonderful memories, I am thankful for my job and the opportunities it gives me to support my children, I am thankful for all the wonderful new families we have met through this hospital NICU experience with Kathryn who remind me that no matter what you are experiencing in life someone knows just exactly how you feel and someone else always has it more difficult, I am thankful for the wonderful nurses and doctors that we have met through the hospital who have become a part of our family and helped to raise our little girl, I am thankful for nurse Ginny who has become a wonderful advocate for Kathryn and a fantastic friend to me and has absolutely earned the title of Aunt Ginny to my girls, I am thankful for a loving home to provide to my children, and most of all I am thankful for a loving God who reminds me daily that I am one of his chosen children (And now that I have children of my own, I know exactly how much he loves me!)
Please take time to reflect on what you are thankful for! (And take a minute to be selfish too if you need to!) I am also thankful that Kathryn is now up to 3 pounds, 10 1/2 ounces and on full Enfamil feeds (bye bye Neocate)!!! She received blood yesterday and is now officially out of directed blood donations. If anyone in the local area would like to give for her very soon, please let me know. We will get you set up to head to the hospital!!
Be Thankful!! Please keep Kathryn on your prayer list!! And feel free to comment here on something that you are thankful for!