Day 52 - Friday, September 14

Madelyn and I went to visit Kathryn last night (Greg went by after work for a dad/Kathryn visit by themselves). Greg said that he and Kathryn were "playing a game" yesterday afternoon. He was able to touch her hands and her head yesterday (we don't get to do that often). Every time he would touch her head she would open her eyes, so he would try touching her nose and then she would close her eyes. He said that it happened several times so it felt like a game.

She is doing well and stable and hanging in there! As you might remember, she has been off of the Pavulon for a while now (several days). She is also starting to ween from the Fentinel now too and is tolerating it well. She is now back to labs every 12 hours and her steroids are every 12 hours too (remember, she started on steroids every 6 hours, moved to every 8, then to every 12). And actually her steroids are probably getting ready to move to once a day for 5 more days and then off of them. Antibiotics are still going to make sure to get the infection completely. Her weigh in last night was 990 grams which is still 2 lbs, 3 ozs, but she looks like she is losing her excess fluid! Her little legs and her arms still have some puffiness and her girl parts do too, but her body and her head don't look puffy at all anymore. She is also still on room air - 21% oxygen - for the most part and I believe that they are trying small changes to her ventilator settings too to see how she handles it!! They were planning to start gut priming again yesterday, but decided to give it a little while longer - maybe a day or two more.

Speaking of her head, Dr. Strange came by last night to her bedside to officially show me the results of her last head ultrasound. She said we needed to hear the good news!! It specifically stated "No hemorrhages detected. No abnormalities detected." Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!! She is very lucky to have had no complications in that department!!!!

I also spoke with nurse Jennifer this morning, and Kathryn had two big poop diapers last night and one this morning. I asked her if they were good ones (a nickel size is usually huge for Kathryn). Jennifer said that all three were probably quarter size! Wow!!!!! By the end of the day, we may hit a dollar in total!!! Sorry for the gory details, but we have to find the humor in the little things!!! Plus, I am proud of her for her big accomplishments!!!!

It's so wonderful to see her having much better days right now. I sometimes feel like I am sitting on the edge of my seat in anticipation of the next roller coaster hill we are going to race down. I have to focus on not worrying!!!

Greg received a wonderful article from his boss the other day regarding Worry. The article was written by a man sitting in a doctor's office waiting to find out if his baby Isaiah has a brain tumor. He has already lost one child to something similar and he constantly worries about tomorrow, feeling like "today's troubles are nothing compared to what might happen next." He speculates as to how Christ handled worry because He knew what the people would do to Him . . . . . .He knew he was going to be crucified, and yet He did not weep or cry until the day it happened. The author reminds us that "Christ did not promise deliverance on this earth FROM trouble, but instead he promised deliverance IN trouble." If we worry, we focus on the possible suffering ahead and not Christ's comfort in the midst of it!

When we worry, we leave no room for grace. The author leaves with this , "Sometimes, as happened between the first and last sentences of this essay, the doctor says our child is fine. All that worry wasted. All this grace ignored." (I thought you would want to know that Isaiah is fine.)

So with that said, the challenge to myself is to sit back and enjoy God's grace and not worry about the things that may or may not come. If you know me, you know that this is a serious challenge!! Maybe God's way of showing me that I can let go. I know that Kathryn is such a special baby and such a blessing to us - just look what she is teaching us already.

Please pray for Kathryn!

Kelly